I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
