I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
