i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
