and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
