is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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