I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize