I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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