if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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