I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
