Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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