What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
