did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
