why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
