i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
This house was built for laser tag.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
