Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
