Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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