I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
