So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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