so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
