Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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