I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
