she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
