Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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