Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
