oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
