Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
