I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
