Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
