it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
