chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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