Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So many bounce houses so little time
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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