need another drink. this is the easiest way
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What a dumb baby whore.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
