Can i not drive my cunt home
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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