my sisters under your porch take her home
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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