woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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