At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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