How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
