I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
