Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
