Joe is yelling at the trees again.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
