im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
