I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
