so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
