i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
