They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
