when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Your dad touched me again.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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