i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
