Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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