Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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