Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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