then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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