Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
