Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
