a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
